“Stand clear of the closing doors please!”
Every time I heard this announcement, I felt like a sardine being crammed in a school of fish. It’s not like it’s rush hour. It’s not even a weekday. All the rubbing up against strangers and occasional touches, accidental kicks got me antsy and anxious. I prayed the crowd would lessen with each stop we made, closer to my destination, but it didn’t.
Then she came on. I couldn’t help but notice her. I couldn’t distinguish whether it was the color combination of her outfit or whether she was simply glowing in the crowd. She was cute, even with the messy bun plopped on top of her head. Who tries to read on a crowded train? It made me laugh and then I thought about Mona.
“I can’t do this with you…I have to be alone.”
“But I’m always here for you Mona. I don’t think I can just go back to being your friend.”
“We can work on the friendship, but I need to focus on me, before I can devote time to us.”
“Babe ,this is just a little bump on the road.”
She dropped her book, and if the train weren’t so crowded, I’d ninja flip my way over and pick it up before she even begin to reach down for it. She would chuckle and say “Oh, thank you—and the glimpse of her smile would be enough to make me get down on my knees.
She turned around and at this moment I thought this could be fate. She’s getting off my stop. It was obvious this beautiful creature was destined for me. Dandelion colored hair with a button nose. Her magenta lips told me she was definitely creative and a bit funky. Maybe this could be the reason Mona left; for this moment.
“This isn’t just a bump on the road Adam. Where would we go from here? We’re both not ready. I’m not all there in this, and you don’t deserve this.”
“Mona, you’re making a mistake.”
“Adam please. Don’t make me feel guilty about this.”
“But you are Mona. We love each other. You don’t just love and leave.”
We both got off and I followed her as if I was a cat in the jungle who had just spotted their gazelle. She might as well be a gazelle the way she pranced up the grimy black stairs and out in to the cold. She was graceful without trying and maybe I realized I was crazy.
“Sometimes you leave people you love whether it hurts or not. This hurts.”
“Well if it hurts, then maybe this is a sign that this is a mistake.”
“I’m sorry Adam, but if we’re both available, then maybe when I’m ready, I will come back to you.”
“But what if one of us finds someone else and it’s too late?”
I was about to tackle my gazelle when I heard a deep voice say “Anna! Baby, sorry I took so long.”
My beautiful gazelle jumped into the arms of a belly full beast. The embrace was beautiful and just like that the fire within me flickered out and died. I didn’t realize how long I stood there until the beast spoke, “I’m sorry…Anna is this a friend of yours?”
I looked up and Anna looked at me and smiled. “Um…Hi, I’m sorry, Do I know—“
“Oh sorry. I was just going to ask for the time, but I have a feeling that it’s already too late.” I didn’t wait for a response I just turned around and walked away. My phone vibrated in my pocked and I pulled it out halfway. It was a text from Mona. Mona: Hey when are we going to meet up and talk? Call…
I slid my cellphone back into my pocket and walked back towards the train station. I stopped at the top of the steps and sat down. Maybe it’s time I stop feeling like it’s too late. I need to stop disappointing myself with believing every moment is fate. I have a choice, and I choose to believe that I really don’t deserve this.